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April 1994 - The Great Brace Race
For about as long as anybody in my small corner of the Midwest could remember the local dental needs had been serviced by a man known, almost universally, as Doc Collins (a local pun that I never quite understood). Doc Collins arrived in the town many years ago, as a young dental practitioner, and had set up shop during the time when the town was still on the up and he'd stayed on after it went into decline because he'd grown attached to small town life, and because the town had grown attached to him. However, I'm sad to say that I never met Doc Collins. He suffered a heart attack and died about not all that long before I arrived in town. Leaving me to get to know his replacement, rather than the man himself. The New Guy Whereas Doc Collins had been a no nonsense man, the new dentist was young and flash, and had big plans to shake things up in the town. Needless to say, there is only so much shaking up that a dentist can do when it comes to small town folk, which is probably why the town's new dentist largely ignored them and went straight for the town's contingent of Weekend Men. Offering them a raft of services devised to allow them to get the best out of their teeth, and him to get the most out of their wallets. He wasn't exactly subtle about it either. Doc Collins had had an office in the middle of town, between the largest of the local grocery stores and the hardware store. The new guy set up right on the edge of the Weekend Men's little enclave. Doc Collins preformed the basic duties of his trade for a customer base who didn't require anything more, and got by waiting for people coming to him with problems or for scheduler checkups. The new guy advertised, and he did whitening, capping, re enameling, and a million and one things that I'd never heard of. If somebody's dental plan covered it, or their wallet could stand it, the new guy would provide it, and he had no shortage of takers among the Weekend man population. Most of whom had money to spare and an unhealthy obsession with image. Of course, in the midst of all of the fancy services that the new guy provided, he also provided one very specific service, one which brings fear into the hearts of children everywhere. He fitted braces. Braces Prior to the new guy's arrival (thus also prior to my arrival), it was almost unheard off for anybody in town to to wear dental braces. As far as most of the locals were concerned, braces were the things that men wore to kept their pant up. One or two of the Weekend Men's children had them fitter, but mostly only if they had had them fitted before they moved to town, on the grounds that Doc Collins neither fitted nor adjusted them. After the new guy arrived, however, he started up a brace blitz campaign. You couldn't move without seeing a billboard, leaflet or local news sheet bearing the obligatory before and after shots, and a piece of text helpfully informing of such fatuous, but also very American, tidbits as “people with straight white teeth get all the best jobs”, or warning that “low self esteem caused by crooked teeth can ruin a child's education”. The Buildup Things started slowly at first. One or two of the Weekend Men families had their children fitted with relatively unobtrusive braces or even retainers, or had other kinds of corrective treatment. Most of which was necessary, and which was probably due anyway, but put off because of the inconvenience of traveling so far to the nearest orthodontist. Then word started to spread among the likes of the soccer moms and the block leaders, and from there it snowballed. Suddenly, among the Weekend Men community at least, having crooked teeth became associated with all kinds of things: from low self esteem to low intelligence, and, suddenly, every other Weekend man started to see the present state of their children's teeth as being a hindrance to their future success. Even if their teeth were not noticeably crooked, the slightest imperfection was noted and marked down for correction by the new dentist. Within a year, even the adults were getting in on it and having their teeth straightened too, and the preponderance of dental hardware and alterations in our town had become so great that we even made the inside pages of a couple of magazines, as being one of the most dentally conscious towns in America. The Dark Side As with every parental fad that goes through any town or suburb anywhere in America, this fad had a dark side, and it wasn't long before rumors started spreading across the local gossip mill about the parents who hadn't shown an interest in having their children's teeth seen to (Those of you who read my irregular writings would probably have seen this bit coming). Mostly, the rumors were of the snide kind that get spread by neighbors who didn't really like one another. Usually, they went along the lines of “X hasn't had little Johnny fitted with a brace, maybe her husband isn't pulling in as much money as he says”, or “Y's so selfish, he spent all that money on an RV when little Justine needs braces”. Or even “Z's really let herself slide since her husband ran off with his secretary, now she's taking her children with her by not fixing their teeth. Is she really the short that we want on the PTA?”. A few were more serious. In one case, a mother was accused of child neglect because her son had obviously crooked teeth, as a result of juvenile thumb sucking, but hadn't been fitted with braces. Which was kind of ironic as the new dentist had actually told her that he couldn't fit the child with braces yet, on the grounds that he's jaw hadn't finished growing. Mostly though, it was the same old peer pressure routine that you find in any well do do neighborhood. The Kowalski kids from number 50 had braces, so your kids had to have them too. Influence Under most circumstances, and in most situations, my Mother usually stayed away from this kind of gossip. For most of my time in America she didn't participate in it and she wasn't the subject of it She was also remarkably immune to peer pressure too. However something about the background chatter about braces must have must have gotten to my Mother. I can't tell you exactly why, maybe she thought that it might help secure our image as being 'a normal family' when we were anything but. Maybe she thought that it might help me to get ahead later in life, or maybe something was said on the gossip circuit that I didn't hear about, but not long after the orthodontic craze started to get out of hand, my Mother booked me in to see the new guy. No prizes for guessing what he said, and no prizes for guessing how I felt about it. Argument Being the only Asian in school, I was self conscious enough as it was and didn't need anything to add to that. So, I protested in much the same way that any teenager would at the prospect of braces. Unsurprisingly, this didn't have much effect. I then protested in my own special way, which had much more of an impact. I stated out by telling the new guy that my teeth were fine as they were, and that I didn't need braces. He told me that even perfect teeth can stand to be a little better, and offered to show me some magazine shots of celebrities who'd had braces. I told him that I'd look stupid with braces, and that I didn't need to stand out any more than I already did. He told me that everybody feels like that, and that I'd thank him later. I then told him that, if went out into the reception room and looked at the local paper, he'd see a picture of me demonstrating one of the 50 ways that I knew of shattering a man's skull. He promptly agreed that I didn't need braces. The other Side Fortunately for most of the local children, the bulk of the local parents either didn't care enough about perfect teeth to inflict braces on their children, or simply couldn't afford to redirect money to something so fripperous and unnecessary. Leaving braces as the preserve of the Weekend Men families. Though it probably very mean indeed for me to say this, I quite enjoyed seeing the smiles being wiped from the faces of some of the towns most stuck up teens, and being replaced with gleaming metal bands. After having been the butt of Weekend Men's kid's cracks about fashion and image and popularity, most of the local children enjoyed the sight too. |
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