住めば都 (すめばみやこ) - Sumeba Miyako

There is an old Japanese saying that goes 住めば都. Loosely translated, it means that you can get used to living anywhere, or that if you live somewhere for long enough it will become your home. It's a good saying, and while I would like to believe that it is true, for my Mother and myself though, it was not. She tried living in my world, but was too stubborn and too resentful to accept it as her home. Likewise, I was the same when it came to living in the place that she called home.

My Mother thought of Japan as a prison that she had been confined in when her father died, and she thought of her marriage to my father as being a chain that further bound her to somewhere that she did not want to be. She also saw me, and my Japanese nature as being a reminder of part of her life that she wanted to forget. In much the same fashion, I considered Japan to be my home. The only world that I'd ever know. I wanted to remember it and to be back to my old life there. I saw America as being a prison, and my Mother as being the chain that confined me.

Needless to say, this didn't make our lives together easy. She wanted to put Japan behind her, and I wanted to carry it with me.